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April 21, 2006 / Reed

Balls Mahoney vs. Trent Acid from PWU 2006

Review by Reed Benson:

When one is stuck in bed with vertigo, browsing YouTube to forget that the world feels like it’s falling over at all times, one may find oneself with nothing better to do than to find out what the late Balls Mahoney and the late Trent Acid would’ve done with thirty-six minutes and a title on the line. Happened to me.

So, what do a hardcore wrestler in jeans and a junior heavyweight-style wrestler in jeans do when they have over half an hour to work? They start with a lot of talking. Balls says some stuff. Acid challenges Balls to ditch the weapons and take him on in a straight wrestling match. They do technical stuff for a few minutes, working over each other’s respective left arm. Don’t worry, you won’t be confusing either of them for Timothy Thatcher any time soon. Then Balls ices his shoulder with a soda. Then they do stuff out of lock-ups like headlocks and hip tosses. Sounds simple, but all this takes up almost half the video’s running time because there’s just so much stalling, a good deal o which consists of Acid reacting to the fans chanting “Balls” by making lewd gestures toward his own groin. I guess they’re getting paid by the minute.

Then things get really cheap. Acid pokes Balls in the eye, and Balls soon responds by sending him outside and punching brawling over to the concession stand. Balls yells at the ref that the match is going to be a falls count anywhere, anything goes affair from now on. Two problems: 1) Where did Balls get the authority to change the match type? 2) Why did the referee count a near fall on the floor BEFORE Balls made the announcement?

I guess I wasn’t so wrong in not taking PWU seriously before.

From this point forward, it’s mostly hardcore stuff. The logic of the story would dictate that this would be to Balls’ benefit, but therein lies the paradox. The logic of the real world says that Balls has the hardcore wrestling experience and is therefore more able to endure the punishment of weapon shots and face-carving. Also, Acid is the heel and therefore needs to get the heat for a while. Thus, we get the not-so-hardcore wrestler beating the hardcore wrestler at his own game most of the time. Besides the chair and the broken soda can, though, there are a couple cool flips by Acid, and Balls hits his trademark frog splash. This is the most enjoyable part of the match for me.

Then they decide to kill Balls’ finisher. The Nutcracker Suite is a something like an over-the-shoulder, belly-to-belly piledriver. Balls hits it on Acid from the second rope through a table. Death? Stretcher job? No, Acid kicks out at two. And then he gets up and actually has the presence of mind to try to hit Balls with a chair. Balls ducks, hits a superkick, and blasts Acid with the chair. As if his pending defeat hasn’t already been choreographed enough, he then goes and gets another table. Yadda yadda yadda, Acid does a frankensteiner through the table and gets the three. Because a frankensteiner is stronger than a piledriver…?

I don’t want to speak ill of the dead, but I don’t want to recommend anyone to watch this match, either. I don’t watching either guy, and I could see them having an entertaining undercard match, but a title match main event where they feel obliged to go long just doesn’t suit them.

– Reed Benson

My match review site is here.

I don’t often tweet about wrestling, but I have a Tumblr gimmick for it here.

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